Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
