If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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