We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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