She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
