he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
