Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
wow bdsm is so cute
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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