i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
