Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
