I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
