Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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