Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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