so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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