I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
