whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
