This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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