If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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