Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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