My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am spending my child support on dildos
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
