Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
