have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
