I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
