piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
