Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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