at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
