i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
