everyone is single if you try hard enough
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
