i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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