i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
