Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
