either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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