He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
