i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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