pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
