Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
