Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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