5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
