Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
