tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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