well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
