how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
