I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
