halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
