I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
