Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
