So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
