Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
