Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it because I queefed?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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