Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
