My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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