have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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