I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
