so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
