May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
